Not Enough

Everyday it seems, I look at my calendar and am blown away by how quickly this summer has gone. And maybe it’s just because we have been going, going, going for the past 10 weeks.

At the start of June, we closed on our house— a funky split level with attached apartment. And since then we’ve been living in the cool chaos of home renovation. We’ve taken this house (that hasn’t been updated in 60 years) and brought it into the 21st century. It has its flaws, as any DIY renovation project does, but, boy, does it look better.

Throughout the summer, many people have asked how it’s going and I’ve tried to answer honestly— we’re glad we can do this, but it’s been hard. We weren’t planning to spend our summer renovating a house. We weren’t even planning to buy a house. And we certainly weren’t planning to do it all with a two month old!

I spent the summer swimming through feelings of gratitude, anxiousness, excitement, and guilt. What I thought was going to be a laidback summer with Austin and E turned into every free hour spent working on the house and some serious decision fatigue as we sorted through tile patterns, paint colors, and kitchen sinks. My to-do list still feels never-ending and I certainly don’t feel like I’ve cuddled my baby as much as I would’ve liked.

When life is busy, it’s hard to feel like we’re enough, like there’s enough time in the day, like we get enough done, like we spend enough time enjoying our spouses and our children, like we have enough time to ourselves, like we sleep enough... And honestly, it’s because we aren’t enough.

But thankfully, in the Bible, Paul tells the church in Corinth “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Lucky for us, where we fall short, God doesn’t. Where we aren’t enough, He is. So as we wrap up this crazy summer, I’m resting in the truth that God’s grace abounds in every weakness and failure of the last few months. And the more I turn to Him, the more I feel like enough.